Catholic Wedding Questions and Answers
Can we write our own vows for our
Catholic wedding?
Some couples like to write their own vows as a way of expressing their
love for one another more personally. Because the Rite of Marriage does
not provide an option for couples to write their own vows, however, it
is unlikely that the priest or deacon who assists at your wedding will
allow you to do so.
One option for couples who want to publicly express their love in their
own words would be to include a personal statement in the printed
wedding program. Another possibility: exchange a profession of love
during the reception.
Also, the Rite of Marriage does provide
several wording options for the exchange of consent. Click on "Choosing
Catholic wedding vows" (below) for more information about these options.
Why can't couples write their own Catholic wedding vows? The Church
actually has some good reasons for sticking to traditional vows:
-
One of the ways that the Church expresses the unity of all
believers is through the unity of the liturgy (in this case, the
wedding), especially in its essential parts (Catechism
#813, 815). In other words, it would become hard to recognize the
unity of the Church if everyone started using different words for the
most important parts of the liturgy. By using the vows provided by the
Church, the couple is acknowledging that they are part of something
larger than themselves. The wedding unites them not only with one
another, but with the whole Body of Christ, the Church.
-
The mutual consent of the bride and groom to be married to one
another is what brings about the grace of the sacrament (Catechism #1623,
1626, 1639
- 1640). The words that express that consent should reflect the
sacredness of the moment, which the Church ensures by providing the
wording for the vows.
-
Because consent is what makes the marriage, it is important for
everyone to be clear that the bride and groom have actually declared
their mutual consent. If the vows aren’t clear about that—or if they
contain wording that might be interpreted as placing conditions or
limits on the marriage—then the validity of the marriage becomes
questionable (cf. Code of Canon Law #1101
- 1102, 1107; also #1119).
Choosing
Catholic wedding vows
The Rite of Marriage provides several
different options for the words of consent (vows); for example, you can
memorize the words, or simply respond to questions from the priest or
deacon assisting at your marriage.
Catholic
wedding vows
An overview of the exchange of consent during the
rite of marriage.
