Planning Your Catholic Wedding
Choosing other liturgical elements of your wedding ceremony
So, you've decided on the form of your wedding, the readings, the music, and the roles that various friends and family will play. Those are the "big pieces" of your wedding liturgy. But there are other elements of the liturgy to consider as well.
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Greeting the guests
It is no accident that the Church refers to the wedding liturgy as a celebration. Although it is not traditional, some couples choose to greet guests at the church entrance prior to the wedding—much as good hosts greet guests at the entrance to their home before a party. This can set a warm, festive atmosphere for the ceremony, dispels some of the pre-ceremony nervousness, and eliminates the need for a receiving line after the ceremony. (This does presume the couple is prepared for the ceremony at least half an hour in advance.) The parents of the bride and groom can also help to greet the guests. Members of the wedding party can then provide guests with programs and guide them to their seats.
Seating
Although it is customary in the United States to seat wedding guests on the "bride's side" or the "groom's side," in certain situations it might make sense to dispense with this tradition, particularly if one of you will have many more invited guests than the other, or if one of you has many more Catholic guests than the other. (It can be a little awkward if one side of the church is obviously more familiar with the rhythm of the Catholic liturgy than the other.)
Greeting the assembly
Even if you have personally greeted your guests at the door of the church, it is appropriate to formally greet your assembled guests before the ceremony gets underway; such a greeting can serve as a sort of introduction to the wedding ceremony, setting the tone and giving your guests an idea of what to expect.
The assembly may be greeted by someone involved in the wedding liturgy—a reader, cantor, or even the presider. (The Rite of Marriage provides for the presider to greet the assembly more formally during the liturgy itself.) The greeting should make the assembly feel comfortable and at home, preparing your guests to fully participate in the liturgy. It might include:
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practical information (the location of bathrooms and water fountains, for instance, or reception arrangements);
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a brief overview of what will happen during the liturgy, including some of the key responses (especially useful if many are not Catholic);
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an opportunity for the assembly to briefly practice singing key pieces of music, led by the cantor or music minister;
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a gentle reminder to turn off cell phones and pagers;
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a request to not take pictures during the ceremony (if you prefer to avoid that sort of distraction).
The wedding procession
Here is what the Rite of Marriage says about the entrance procession:
If there is a procession to the altar, the ministers [e.g., lectors, altar servers] go first, followed by the priest, and then the bride and bridegroom. According to local custom, they may be escorted by at least their parents and the two witnesses. Meanwhile, the entrance song is sung. (#20)
Sound unfamiliar? That's because in the United States and elsewhere, it is much more common for the bride to be escorted down the aisle by her father, who then "gives" her to the groom waiting at the altar—a tradition rooted in the days when weddings were viewed as a sort of property transaction (with the woman being the property).
The "traditional" wedding procession with the giving away of the bride is so widely practiced that you should have no problem using it if that is your preference. However, the form suggested by the Rite of Marriage better symbolizes the Church's understanding of the complementary role of the husband and wife in marriage.
Another option is to skip the procession altogether; the presider simply greets the bride and groom at the altar (Rite of Marriage #19).
If you opt for a procession, however, the assembly should stand at the beginning of the liturgy, when the entrance song is announced and the procession begins—in other words, the assembly should not remain seated until the bride enters the church. In the Catholic liturgy, standing is a way of acknowledging the presence of God.
For additional information about the procession, including appropriate music, see:
General intercessions
The prayer of the faithful, also known as the general intercessions, follow immediately after the blessing and exchange of rings. The presider or a lector reads each prayer ("For. . . ; we pray to the Lord. . . .") and the assembly responds ("Lord, hear our prayer" or another appropriate response). The general intercessions used during the Sunday Mass are usually written by someone at the parish. Most parishes, however, will allow (and even encourage) couples to write the intercessions for their wedding. According to the General Instruction of the Roman Missal (#70), the series of intentions is to be:
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For the needs of the Church
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For public authorities and the salvation of the whole world
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For those burdened by any kind of difficulty
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For the local community
However, the General Instruction also provides for the intentions to "reflect more closely the particular occasion" during the Rite of Marriage.
You can include a prayer for yourselves, for instance, as well as for deceased relatives and other important people in your life. However, these prayers are also the prayer of the whole Church, and as such, they should also reflect some broader concerns. It would be appropriate, for instance, to pray for all married couples; for families; for the sick and the lonely; for Church and world leaders; and for peace and justice. Your parish can assist you in composing appropriate prayers.
Prayers and blessings
The Rite of Marriage provides options for certain prayers and blessings. It provides three forms for the Blessing of Rings (said after the exchange of vows); three forms for the Nuptial Blessing (said after the Lord's Prayer in a wedding Mass or after the general intercessions in a wedding outside of Mass); three forms for the prayer after communion (which mentions the couple); and three forms for the final blessing of the couple. Generally, the presider chooses which forms of these prayers to use. However, if you would like to review the different options, see:
You can discuss your preferences with the priest or deacon who presides at your wedding.
Unity candle
Many couples choose to signify that "two have become one" by lighting a unity candle during the wedding ceremony. Before or at the beginning of the wedding ceremony, a representative from each family lights two taper candles. During the ceremony, the bride and groom use the two taper candles to light a large pillar candle (the "unity candle") together. Some Catholic parishes prohibit the use of a unity candle, however, because there is no provision for it in the Rite of Marriage. Also, within Catholic liturgies, candles primarily refer to the light of Christ and baptism; the Easter candle, lit at the Easter vigil, is the central candle in the sanctuary. If you would like to have a unity candle, ask your parish whether it is permitted. The unity candle must not be placed on the altar. If you want a unity candle but your parish does not permit one, consider using one at the reception; its lighting can be incorporated into the blessing before the meal.
Prayer before the Virgin Mary
In some places it is customary for the bride (or the bride and groom together) to place a bouquet of flowers before a statue or shrine to the Virgin Mary (assuming one is present in the Church); usually the couple then spend a few moments in silent prayer before the shrine. Music is frequently played at the same time.
This tradition recognizes the special role that Mary has as the mother not only of God, but of the Church and all the faithful (see Catechism 963-965). It is natural, then, to request that Mary pray for you as you begin your own family.
The practice of venerating the Virgin Mary is not outlined in the Rite of Marriage. If you wish to include it in your wedding ceremony, ask your parish wedding coordinator about the local custom.
Creating a wedding program for your guests . . .
Other websites
General Instruction of the Roman Missal: This document contains the liturgical norms for celebrating the Mass. As with other official Church documents, it is written primarily for Church leaders; however, couples may find it useful for exploring the Church's guidancefor certain elements of the liturgy, as well as the meaning, theology, and spirituality of the Mass.
Books
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Celebrating Marriage: Preparing the Wedding Liturgy: A Workbook for the Engaged Couple
Still one of the best Catholic wedding planning resources available, Celebrating Marriage is written by experts in the Catholic liturgy to help couples use sound liturgical and pastoral principles to make their wedding a more prayerful, celebratory experience for everyone involved. Chapter titles include "Age Old Traditions and Timely Advice," "The Ceremony: The Wedding Liturgy," "The Readings: The Lectionary for Marriage," "The Music for the Wedding Liturgy," "The Environment for the Wedding Liturgy." The appendices include "Preparing a Printed Program for the Wedding" and the text of the "Blessing of an Engaged Couple." 134 pages. |
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Paul Covino, editor
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